How do you find someone to talk to? March 18, AM Subscribe I'm not a social person, but I really need to build some relationships. How do people do this? This isn't taught in schools, or I must have skipped that day. I'm dealing with some serious feelings of isolation, and also going through a of issues in my personal life and need someone to talk to.
If it makes any difference, I'm a straight guy. I have a lot of "work how to find someone to talk to but no one I consider truly close. My SO and I have a pretty rocky relationship lately, and go through periods of detachment. We don't live together, and occasionally go through periods of almost zero communication.
I've been getting the cold shoulder for days now and I'm about to go nuts.
Talking to new people is hard because there are so many unknowns
How do you find someone to talk to, short of going to a shrink? I moved recently, and don't have any local friends. I work from home, and don't have much of an opportunity to meet people.
Plus, it'd probably be best to not unload on someone a few days or hours after meeting them. But, it's not just about having a shoulder to whine on -- it'd be really helpful if I just had a solid friendly relationship with someone close to my own age. Late 30s I'd consider writing about my issues, but I don't do journals and blogging is out because I don't want to be airing my issues publicly. Not eager to pursue anonymous blogging.
Yes, I see the irony Besides, I'd like some feedback. It's affecting my sleep and my work. It's not a healthy situation, but I'm not sure how to change things.
How to have better conversations with people you've just met, according to science
Any suggestions? I don't want to sound like a broken record, but think you could really benefit from some therapy. It would give you a chance to air out your anxieties and the therapist could probably help you figure out how to foster closer relations with people. If it were just that you'd moved to a new town and needed some pointers, AskMe would be great, but you've brought up a bunch of interconnected issues here and you need a more tailored approach. It sounds like you've got two issues here: 1. You need someone to talk to who you can "unload" on.
That usually requires a professional. Certainly the feelings you describe warrant talking to a shrink, but it doesn't sound so bad that you can't get by on your own. You need friends, legitimate ones, who you can bond with. I've found that one of the best ways to make friends is to meet people who share common interests.
Do you have any interests or hobbies? Are you interested in learning something new? There are lots of classes and groups out there you can. Consider doing something outdoors that will get you out and moving I've also found that it's easy to make friends at bars Lastly, it sounds like you have a whole bag of problems with your SO. This person is obviously not there for you in this time of need. You should probably not this instant, but soon take a long hard look at the relationship and decide if it's worthwhile. There are lots of other people out there who would step in during a lonely time like this and help you through it I agree with bonothegreat, but if you can't bring yourself to go into therapy which, again, I do think could really helpwhat about ing a club?
It can seem intimidating at first, but can be a great way to meet people with similar interests. There are a lot of people out there looking to make friends, you just have to be open to opportunities and go in with the mindset that you have nothing to lose. Do you like games?
It takes time to build friendships, but I bet even getting out a bit more and seeing new people would help in the short term. I've been through this myself, and sometimes if you're alone and in your head too much, the best thing you can do is get out for a while. It's tough to find people and turn them into real friends that you're close enough to that you can use them for support. You can try to turn your casual acquaintances and work friends into real friends. I wrote a comment about various ways to do that here. How do you find more acquaintances to turn into friends? There's a million Ask questions on making new friends when you move to a new city, and other people probably have better answers than me since the places I meet friends are probably not the same places you'd meet friends.
There's the age-old " a club" advice, and you might consider ing a depression support group. Becoming a volunteer docent for a local museum would help you meet people, but I think you know that that's not the right place to air your grievances. Also, I am incredibly isolated how to find someone to talk to sometimes feel like I'm the only person in the world. What keeps you apart from other people? Spending too much time in your house? Not feeling like you have anything to say? Not keeping up with acquaintances and friends and seeing if they'd like to meet?
Figure out steps you can take simply to get out into the world and have human contact. By the time you find someone you're close enough to to unload on, you might have less to complain about. I'm into photography and several years back I ed Flickr, then ed a local flickr group that was very active in the community. I now consider a few of them close friends but it was very awkward at first when meeting people for the first time and it took years before I truly warmed up to some of them.
Need urgent help?
Common interests at least is a jumping point where you can start talking and feel out the other person for a possible friend. Anytime I see someone new to engage conversation with, I take a deep breath and "jump off the diving board. There's lots of lonely people out there. You might consider posting or answering a friendship ad on craigslist or kijiji or some other forum like that. I assure you there are lo of people on there who, like you, don't know how else to go about making new friends.
It's worth a try. Just a forewarning though, you'll likely have to filter through some BS and meet a few different people before you find some compatible friends. But I've had success with it, so can you.
Yes, you should follow all of the advice in other thre about how to make new friends. Do what you would do or what others would advise you to do if you had just moved to a new city and needed to start over.
Welcome to betterhelp!
But in addition to that, I think you should be more open-minded about solutions to your problems. Your question is basically, "I'm sad and need to vent, but I can't or won't to talk to a therapist, write in a journal, write an anonymous blog, write a non-anonymous blog, talk to my SO, or talk to strangers.
Why are you "not eager" to pursue anonymous blogging? Why are with with an SO you can't talk to?
Why not try therapy? It's clear that you need to change something, and yes, in the long term, making new friends and deepening your relationships with them will be good for you. But you may also want to be more open-minded about ways to work through your problems.
Tips for talking with someone
Therapy and writing work for lots of people, even people who have initial reservations about them. You might feel better knowing that you have options. The Social Anxiety forum might be of interest and it seems like a good place to start developing a network. I'm an introvert. When I moved to a new city, I started volunteering a lot, doing things I like. I also took up kayaking by ing a local club. These helped me to gradually get to know people with similar interests. It takes a good bit of time, but one can't really rush into a relationship that includes friendship.
Oh, and I would strongly advise against going down the self-help rabbit hole. What you need to do, most of all, is take action. Reading self-help material can be very addictive, and can make you feel like you're making progress in dealing with your issues, when you're actually sitting still. I'm probably not going to suggest anything that someone here hasn't already, but I will repeat the sentiment that being a social person is how to find someone to talk to when meeting new people.
Sure, you can volunteer, clubs, take a class, etc all excellent ideasbut if you're not the type of person to chat up a stranger or get to a point where you can make more out of a relationship where you only see someone once a week, that's really going to be your issue. I can completely understand wanting to vent to an actual person.