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I need someone to talk to about my problems – but where do i turn?
By Claire Gagne July 11, One evening before dinnerI noticed my four-and-a-half-year-old son, who is in full-day junior kindergartensitting glumly on the kitchen floor. It turns out the connection a kid needs to feel with his parents in order to open up and talk to them is cemented wanting to talk to before the teen years.
Julie Romanowski, a parenting coach in Vancouver, says communication skills are built even in infancy and toddlerhood. You may not hear about every single triumph or trial, but these ideas can get your kids to open up to you at every age. If you want to know how your kid is feeling, rather than just the details, Romanowski advises observing her behaviour and then asking about it.
What happened? Instead, empathize with your kid, tell him how crummy it must have felt to have that toy grabbed from him, and then move on.
With some kids, this may be a mistake. She suggests spending a few minutes reconnecting with your kid just by being present.
Romanowski suggests working some parent-kid time into your day, like right after dinner. Sitting down to do a focused activity together—even just 10 minutes of colouring or a puzzle—can create that space where your kid starts to feel like talking.
Also, take advantage of regular moments you do have together, like car rides, walking to school in the morning and bedtime for casual, low-pressure chats. This also teaches kids that everyone has good days and bad days, no matter how old you are. Bicknell wanting to talk to that keeping in the loop about the curriculum and who her grade-two daughter is playing with helps her bring things up in conversation. But you are still needed for emotional support.
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For example, if your kid is having an issue with a friendwe might be tempted to suggest she find someone else to hang out with. She also suggests carving out specialone-on-one time at least once a month.
Even watching a favourite TV show together once a week lets you share an interest and get some quality time. When your tween does open up and talk to you—especially if your kid tends to be fairly closed off with his feelings—make sure to stay neutral.
Ultimately, you want your kid to enjoy talking to you.
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